Reflections

Do you remember as a kid being afraid to do anything to stand out, being afraid to try something and fail where others might see you. As a kid, I moved so much I was perpetually the new kid. I did everything to blend into the background, not to stand out. To me the end result was that I was largely forgettable. But that is beside the point for the moment. Another result which I have never noticed before is that I was afraid to try new things and fail.


In sports, I never really gave it my all. I never tried. Because I figured I was probably no good at them and it was better to not try and not fail than to try and fail and have other people see me fail and laugh at me. In school, I had no doubt they would.


In computers, my brother was great at them, and I figured I would never be as good as he was. I would probably be laughed at for trying when he was so good, so I never tried. I spent my whole childhood convincing myself that I shouldn't try things I didn't think I could do. Convincing myself that never trying was better than trying and failing.

What a crock of crap! As an adult, I went back to college. I tried typing (something I had failed at in high school) and in college I excelled in it. I gave computers a try and found not only was I completely capable of using them but I had knack for them and I loved them. I ended up helping others with their computers.

My latest triumph is weightloss. I was always convinced that I was destined to be the fat kid. I had weight troubles my whole life and I had convinced myself that the only way a person with my body could lsoe weight was starving myself or other unhealthy means. And, I tried them all, eating disorders, diet pills, you name it, I tried it.

The only thing I didn't try was a good old fashioned lifestyle change. I never tried just eating less and moving more. I honestly didn't think it would work. So here I 47 1/2 pounds later and it is working. I am losing. I am not done, but I have come so much further than I ever dared dream I would before. I can be something other than the chubby girl with the "great personality". I can be the attractive person Prince Charming has always told me I was. I can one day look in the mirror and see someone I am proud to be.

Actually, these days . . . . I do that now.